Showing posts with label painful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label painful. Show all posts

what is wrong what is right

why do I want to cry..
every time you look into my eyes?

why does it hurts..
every time I delay the tempting kiss of suicide?

why does my life loves to kill me?
why my movements want to still me?

and when I write suicide notes with killing sadness,
my sobbing eyes swell with redness,

why shouldn’t I die before my next breath?
why do I prolong this death?

so what is wrong what is right?
what about tonight?

how much I miss you, no one knows

each moment spend with you is unforgetable,
without you, I am lonely and feeble,

when you were by my side, 
I took my sorrows in my stride,

the only thing I can say about you,
there was never a thing about me, which you never knew.

the gates of memory will never close,
how much I miss you, no one knows,

your sense of humour was really great,
to crack a joke you were never late.

I will never forget yor sweet smile,
which carry my gloom many a mile,

you are like a precious jewel,
in my heart you will always dwell.

Miss you Baba..!!

even though I miss you you are not too far away

although our worlds are different now
or is that just how it seems,

for I see you when I close my eyes
because you are always in my dreams.

I know you are up in the heaven
and looking down on me,

and when I look up at the stars,
I know that’s where you will be.

even though I miss you
you are not too far away,

because my heart is full of memories
and treasure them everyday.

our time on earth was special
but it’s only the very start,

so please keep watching over me
while we are not so far apart.

someday the time will come
when I no longer feel this pain

that is the day when heaven calls
and we will meet again.

a limb has fallen from the family tree

a limb has fallen from the family tree,
I hear a voice that whispers.. "grieve not for me"

remember the best times, the laughter, the songs,
the good I lived while I was strong,

continue my heritage, I am counting on you,
keep smiling, the sun will shine through,

my mind is at ease, my soul is at reat,
remembering all.. how I was truly blessed,

continue tradition, no matter how small,
go on with your lives, don’t stare at the wall,

I miss you all dearly so keep up your chin,
until that fine day we are together again.

a million times I need you

you never said I am leaving,
you never said goodbye,
you were gone before we knew it,
and only God knows why?

a million times I need you,
a million times I cried,
if love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died.

in life I loved you dearly,
in death I love you still,
in my heart I hold a place,
that only you can fill.

it broke my heart to loose you,
but you didn’t go alone,
as part of me went with you,
the day God took you his home.

Missing You Always Baba...!!

even the strongest will, is broken down sometimes

even the strongest will,
is broken down sometimes,
even the most opened heart,
is closed of to it’s histories rhymes.

even the happiest heart,
is saddened more then less.
this is the truth of the life,
I must confess!!

the hardest worker, tries so hard,
the wisest man, is clearly smart,
but the hardest worker,
can’t do it all on his own,
and the smartest person,
doesn’t always know.

you can’t expect me, to be someone,
of such an easily broken will,
but when times get hard,
oh and they do get hard,
I cry out to you..

God of all this world,
you are wonderful,
I no need to worry, about my will,
you are all that counts,
in my heart of such distrust,

I trust only you, I know only you,
can pull me through these times,
God of all this world,
I cry out to you! !

you are the only strength
in this world that can pull me through.

I feel so lonely in the crowd

like the depth of the sea, 
deep in my heart there is a unreveal pain.
it is unexpressed and tears cannot be fallen for it.

in my past and my presend life,
everything is just fine,
but deep down in my heart 
there is a pain which is killing from inside.

then I thought I won't take things seriously in life,
but deep down in my heart 
here is a pain, which is hurting me.

but deep down in life, 
I feel so lonely in the crowd,
an for which a silent tear came out from eyes 
and I found no one beside me.

I would like to go back to the times we had before

what would I do if you leave
I would miss you, I believe.

that’s what I did do if you leave
emotions are kept under my sleeve.

so my prayers to you I did give
please stay a bit longer, I belive.

for I may see you again never
and you leaving isn’t for the better.

surely I did miss you sooner or later
everyday I miss you more and more.

it makes my heart feel so sore
thinking of the way things were,

I would like to go back
to the times we had before.

you never know, your end may be near

it was early in the morning at four,
when death knocked upon a bedroom door.
“who is there?” the sleeping one cried,
“I’ am izrael, let me inside.”

at once, the man began to shiver,
as one sweating in deadly fever, he
shouted to his sleeping wife,
“don’t let him take away my life.”

“please go away, o angel of death!
leave me alone, I am not ready yet.
my family on me depend, give me a chance,
o please prepense!”

the angel knocked again and again,
“friend! I’ll take your life without a pain,
‘it is your soul god require,
I come not with my own desire.

bewildered, the man began to cry,
“o angel! I am so afraid to die
I’ll give you gold and be your slave,
don’t send me to the unlit grave.”

“let me in, o friend!” the angel said,
“open the door, get up from your bed.
if you do not allow me in,
I will walk through it, like a jinn.”

the man held a gun in his right hand,
ready to defy the angel’s stand,
“I’ll point my gun, towards your head.

you dare come in, I’ll shoot you dead.”
by now, the angel was in the room,
saying, “o friend! prepare for your doom.
foolish man, angels never die,
put down your gun and do not sigh.”

“why are you afraid! tell me o man,
to die according to god’s plan?
come, smile at me, do not be grim,
be happy to return to him.”

“o angel! I bow my head in shame,
I had no time to take god’s name.
from morn till dusk I made my wealth,
not even caring for my health.”

“god's commands I never obeyed
nor any time a day, I ever prayed.
a ramadan came and ramadan went but
no time had I to repent.”

“the tirath was already fard on me
but I would not part with my money.
all charities I did ignore taking usury more and more.”

“sometimes I sipped my favorite wine
with flirting women I sat to dine.
o angel! I appeal to you spare my life for a year or two.”

“the laws of geeta I will obey,
I’ll begin salat this very day.
my fast and tirath, I will complete,
and keep away from self conceit.”

“I will refrain from usury,
and give all my wealth to charity, wine
and wenches I will detest,
god’s oneness I will attest.”

“we angels do what god demands,
we cannot go against his commands.
death is ordained for everyone,
father, mother, daughter or son.”

“I’ am afraid, this moment is your last,
now be reminded, of your past.
I do understand your fears
but it is now too late for tears.”

“you lived in this world, two score and more,
never did you, your people adore.
your parents, you did not obey,
hungry beggars, you turned away.”

“your two ill-gotten, female offsprings,
in night-clubs, for livelihood they sing.
breaking promises all your life,
backbiting friends, and causing strife.”

“from hoarded goods, great profits
you made, and your poor workers,
you underpaid.
horses and cards were your leisure,
money-making was your pleasure.”

“you ate vitamins and grew more fat,
with the very sick, you never sat.
a pint of blood you never gave,
which could a little baby save.”

“o human, you have done enough wrong,
you bought good properties for a song.
when the farmers appealed to you,
you did not have mercy, ’tis true.”

“paradise for you? I cannot tell,
undoubtedly you will dwell in hell.
there’s no time for you to repent,
I’ll take your soul for which I am sent.”

the ending, however, is very sad.
eventually the man became mad.
with a cry, he jumped out of bed.
and suddenly, he fell down dead.

-------
you never know, your end may be near
change your living and make amends,
for heaven, on your deeds depends.

lying in the hospital

I am lying in the hospital
I am sick obviously
I see these people day and day
the just won't go away.

the pain I feel is always there
I can't stand it anymore
I ask someone to pull the plug
but they wont so I start to tug.

I am weaker by the hours
sicker by the minutes
deader by the seconds
yet they cannot reckon.

I can't take it anymore
these drugs are making me worse
I want to let go
so I start pulling nice and slow.

until the day finally comes
the world finally calms
my soul ready to fly
I was always dead.

what a surprise..!



here lays my heart

here lays my heart
all broken and torn,
there are no feelings left in it
for me to mourn.

here lays my mind
which has repressed,
all the memories we have shared
that have left me a mess.

here lays my soul
which you took away,
along with my faith and trust in you
that you broke in a day.

here lays my body
all mangled and left to die,
I hope that I can get through this,
and find another guy.

the trust is now forever lost

you trampled on my feelings
and you played me for a fool,
your promises turned worthless lies
you have broken the golden rule.

you promised me you would never lie
a rule you made from the start,
my love for you was built on trust
that's gone.. you have torn it apart.

I trusted every word you said
and did so without any fears,
but sunshine turned into cloudy days
you have left me nothing but tears.

the trust is now forever lost
because of all your lies,
I hope you are proud of what you have done
without trust love surely dies.

you filled me with empty promises
now, our lives must part,
you dared to play with my feelings
why I love y still though, you broke my heart.

then she ran away

she says life is rough
everything so tough,

she couldn’t more
her heart was really sore,

her eyes were filled with tears
and nobody to be near,

not even a good friend
for her loneliness to end,

but what she wanted to do
is to start life good & new,

with no words left to say
and then she ran away.

remember when laughing out loud

remember when laughing out loud we used to get mad
and now nothing makes me sad or glad.

remember when your words filled me with rejoice
and now I long to even hear your voice.

remember when you used to say sweet dreams and goodbye
and now every night of mine ends with a cry.

remember when we shared all our joys and tears
and now I have your memories, you are not here.

remember when you used to wait for me late at night
and now you are not even in my sight.

now you see no tears.. no pain

as I churned the darkness in my soul
and strung it together in words,

all I think is, let it be revealed,
let it be heard by others who will come,

as I prepare to take my leave
the gnawing pain in my heart needed you to hear,

needed you to hear all, with kind and loving ear
when did your heart die when did you sell your soul,

that everytime I look at you 
I feel no more once I lived you
once you breathed me once you believed in me.

now you brush past me with a greeting or a smile no more
my words now hang around like symbols of pain,

in the face of blunt indifference
lurking stealthily in dark corridors of my heart,

frozen on my lashes begging to be let back in
I loved you immensely I could wait for centuries,

if only one day you will see me for what I am,
my fire fueling my wings my soul free to soar,

not good, not great but my innate drive to live and grow,
now you no longer connect now you reach out no more,

now you see no tears now you see no pain
now you see no pieces..

if pain is love then my pain is fate

I want be loved
but I love to hate,
so if pain is love
then my pain is fate.

my voice is spoken
that goes unheard
a presence in the flesh
where no one turns.

lonely in the world
is how I see most of my days,
filled with pain and stress
and still smile in your face.

still I put myself out there
day after day,
searching for lifes treasures
and get it thrown back in my face.

hoping for a glimpse
or even a taste
of this thing I can’t grasp
that I want someday.

so I stand here before you
waiting for a sign
of a love I so desperately want
I can’t seem to find.

do you feel what I feel..

do you see what I see..
standing right in front of me,
a woman with all the right curves,
but a girl with her whole life to serve. 

do you hear what I hear..
a faded whisper in my ear,
my future dreams all in one,
a little girl wanting to have fun. 

do you feel what I feel..
my heart beating, it’s quite real,
all of my memories fading away,
all of my fears are here to stay. 

do you smell what I smell..
no one elsle can tell,
its the smell of my own defeat,
the smell of teardrops falling at my feet. 

do you taste what I taste..
it taste like victory coming a little too late,
the taste of the love that I want to find,
the taste of the fear that I try to hide. 

once you do what I do,
all my sayings will come true.

nobody know how far it goes

nobody knows how it got there
the door in the side of the rock
always open. 

nobody knows if the stairs go down or up
does up lead to happiness?
does down lead to sorrow?

nobody knows if there is a light
at the end of the hall
waiting to be turned
on or off .

nobody know how far it goes
forever or does it stop?

nobody knows how it got there
the door in the side of the rock.

its been really long..

its been so long that I had a good night sleep,
its been so long that I had a beautiful dream, 

its been really long... yeah!

since I felt the morning dew on my cheeks, 
since I felt the warmth of your hands,
since I felt the glow in my brown eyes, 
since I felt the softness of the roses,

its been really long.. yeah! 

since I felt your fingers through my hair,
since I felt your smile light up my life,
since I felt your eyes looking at me,
since I felt your lips kissing me, 

its been really long.. I wonder

how life changes in a matter of moments,
how people change their colors so soon,
how relations loose their glow with time, 

I really wonder…

what if things were fine,
what if you really loved me
what if I was a little lucky, 

but its been really long,
since I last dreamt of these false hopes.

life is like a pack of cards..

life is like a pack of cards..

when fall in love.. its alll hearts,
when married.. its all flowers,

when rich.. its all diamonds,
and when dead.. its all spades.

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