what is wrong what is right

why do I want to cry..
every time you look into my eyes?

why does it hurts..
every time I delay the tempting kiss of suicide?

why does my life loves to kill me?
why my movements want to still me?

and when I write suicide notes with killing sadness,
my sobbing eyes swell with redness,

why shouldn’t I die before my next breath?
why do I prolong this death?

so what is wrong what is right?
what about tonight?

all I hope and ask for

all I hope and ask for O’ lord..

is that tomorrow when I lay to rest,
another one of my remaining days,

let my eyes glisten,
not with sorrow or shame,
but innocent pride!

let my head not be bowed
with the worthless weight

of another dawdling day,
but be contentedly raised,

on seeing a panting day
hit the finishing line with success.

O' lord.. leave me not

with the ghost of grief – borne by failure,
but with the spirit of success 

he legacy of a winner!!

thanks baba for everything

thanks baba, for teaching us to be strong,
thanks baba, for showing us what’s right from wrong,

thanks baba, for giving us enough love ans shelter,
thanks baba, for sharing with us our tears and laughter,

thanks baba, for teaching us to stand on our won,
thanks baba, for all the love and case you have shown,

thanks baba, for giving us support and inspirations,
thanks baba, for guiding us in our debating and decisions,

thanks baba, for being responsible, kind and hardworking,
thanks baba, for lending us your time when we are concentrating,

thanks baba, for loving from your heart,
and thanks baba for hoping you will be with us in heaven and not apart.

thanks baba for showing us how a real father should be,
thanks baba, for you always cared for maa, didi, munni, bhai and me.

what more can we ask from a great father like you,
thanks baba, for special fathers like you are un-common and reduce to a few,

thanks baba for showing us unconditional caring and love,
for we hope you can read and hear this from above.

even though I miss you you are not too far away

although our worlds are different now
or is that just how it seems,

for I see you when I close my eyes
because you are always in my dreams.

I know you are up in the heaven
and looking down on me,

and when I look up at the stars,
I know that’s where you will be.

even though I miss you
you are not too far away,

because my heart is full of memories
and treasure them everyday.

our time on earth was special
but it’s only the very start,

so please keep watching over me
while we are not so far apart.

someday the time will come
when I no longer feel this pain

that is the day when heaven calls
and we will meet again.

my heart still aches with sadness and secret tears still flow

if tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven and bring you back again.

no farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye,
you were gone before I knew it and only god knows why?

my heart still aches with sadness and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to love you, no one can ever know.

but now I know.. you want me to mourn for you no more,
to remember all the happy-times, life still has much in store.

since you will never be forgotten, I pledge to you today,
a hollow place within my heart.. is where you will always stay.

sometimes I can’t believe that you've actually gone

sometimes, I can’t believe baba
that you have actually gone,
yet you have left me with
an inner strength to build my life upon.

you have also left good memories
which within my heart I hold,
that no one can ever take away
for I treasure them like gold.

so dear baba rest peacefully,
you are in my every thought,
and I feel such thankfulness
for all the happiness you brought.

an empty house, an empty chair, a father’s love, no longer there

a father’s touch, a daddy’s kiss,
a grieving son, you are greatly missed.

an empty house, an empty chair,
a father’s love, no longer there.

a broken heart, tears filled eyes,
another soul to fill the sky.

many memories in my mind,
some I laugh, some I cry.

the time we shared, the laughs we had,
things I miss when I think of you dad.

realizing that’s all I have to hold on too,
only memories, of what once was you.

missing your laugh, I will never again hear,
that is the reality that fills me with so much fear.

no more smile on your face,
no more warmth of your embrace,

thae last hug, the last kiss,
the last goodbye leaves me with one last wish.

to have you dad, here today,
never to leave your son and daughter this way,

a father’s touch, a daddy’s kiss,
a grieving son you are greatly missed.

even the strongest will, is broken down sometimes

even the strongest will,
is broken down sometimes,
even the most opened heart,
is closed of to it’s histories rhymes.

even the happiest heart,
is saddened more then less.
this is the truth of the life,
I must confess!!

the hardest worker, tries so hard,
the wisest man, is clearly smart,
but the hardest worker,
can’t do it all on his own,
and the smartest person,
doesn’t always know.

you can’t expect me, to be someone,
of such an easily broken will,
but when times get hard,
oh and they do get hard,

I cry out to you..

God of all this world,
you are wonderful,

I no need to worry, about my will,
you are all that counts,
in my heart of such distrust,

I trust only you, I know only you,
can pull me through these times,
God of all this world,
I cry out to you! !

you are the only strength
in this world that can pull me through.

I feel so lonely in the crowd

like the depth of the sea, 

deep in my heart there is a unreveal pain.
it is unexpressed and tears cannot be fallen for it.

in my past and my presend life,

everything is just fine,
but deep down in my heart 

there is a pain which is killing from inside.

then I thought I won't take things seriously in life,
but deep down in my heart 

here is a pain, which is hurting me.

but deep down in life, 

I feel so lonely in the crowd,
an for which a silent tear came out from eyes 

and I found no one beside me.

I would like to go back to the times we had before

what would I do if you leave
I would miss you, I believe.

that’s what I did do if you leave
emotions are kept under my sleeve.

so my prayers to you I did give
please stay a bit longer, I belive.

for I may see you again never
and you leaving isn’t for the better.

surely I did miss you sooner or later
everyday I miss you more and more.

it makes my heart feel so sore
thinking of the way things were,

I would like to go back
to the times we had before.

you never know, your end may be near

it was early in the morning at four,
when death knocked upon a bedroom door.
“who is there?” the sleeping one cried,
“I’ am izrael, let me inside.”

at once, the man began to shiver,
as one sweating in deadly fever, he
shouted to his sleeping wife,
“don’t let him take away my life.”

“please go away, o angel of death!
leave me alone, I am not ready yet.
my family on me depend, give me a chance,
o please prepense!”

the angel knocked again and again,
“friend! I’ll take your life without a pain,
‘it is your soul god require,
I come not with my own desire.

bewildered, the man began to cry,
“o angel! I am so afraid to die
I’ll give you gold and be your slave,
don’t send me to the unlit grave.”

“let me in, o friend!” the angel said,
“open the door, get up from your bed.
if you do not allow me in,
I will walk through it, like a jinn.”

the man held a gun in his right hand,
ready to defy the angel’s stand,
“I’ll point my gun, towards your head.

you dare come in, I’ll shoot you dead.”
by now, the angel was in the room,
saying, “o friend! prepare for your doom.
foolish man, angels never die,
put down your gun and do not sigh.”

“why are you afraid! tell me o man,
to die according to god’s plan?
come, smile at me, do not be grim,
be happy to return to him.”

“o angel! I bow my head in shame,
I had no time to take god’s name.
from morn till dusk I made my wealth,
not even caring for my health.”

“god's commands I never obeyed
nor any time a day, I ever prayed.
a ramadan came and ramadan went but
no time had I to repent.”

“the tirath was already fard on me
but I would not part with my money.
all charities I did ignore taking usury more and more.”

“sometimes I sipped my favorite wine
with flirting women I sat to dine.
o angel! I appeal to you spare my life for a year or two.”

“the laws of geeta I will obey,
I’ll begin salat this very day.
my fast and tirath, I will complete,
and keep away from self conceit.”

“I will refrain from usury,
and give all my wealth to charity, wine
and wenches I will detest,
god’s oneness I will attest.”

“we angels do what god demands,
we cannot go against his commands.
death is ordained for everyone,
father, mother, daughter or son.”

“I’ am afraid, this moment is your last,
now be reminded, of your past.
I do understand your fears
but it is now too late for tears.”

“you lived in this world, two score and more,
never did you, your people adore.
your parents, you did not obey,
hungry beggars, you turned away.”

“your two ill-gotten, female offsprings,
in night-clubs, for livelihood they sing.
breaking promises all your life,
backbiting friends, and causing strife.”

“from hoarded goods, great profits
you made, and your poor workers,
you underpaid.
horses and cards were your leisure,
money-making was your pleasure.”

“you ate vitamins and grew more fat,
with the very sick, you never sat.
a pint of blood you never gave,
which could a little baby save.”

“o human, you have done enough wrong,
you bought good properties for a song.
when the farmers appealed to you,
you did not have mercy, ’tis true.”

“paradise for you? I cannot tell,
undoubtedly you will dwell in hell.
there’s no time for you to repent,
I’ll take your soul for which I am sent.”

the ending, however, is very sad.
eventually the man became mad.
with a cry, he jumped out of bed.
and suddenly, he fell down dead.

-------
you never know, your end may be near
change your living and make amends,
for heaven, on your deeds depends.

lying in the hospital

I am lying in the hospital
I am sick obviously
I see these people day and day
the just won't go away.

the pain I feel is always there
I can't stand it anymore
I ask someone to pull the plug
but they wont so I start to tug.

I am weaker by the hours
sicker by the minutes
deader by the seconds
yet they cannot reckon.

I can't take it anymore
these drugs are making me worse
I want to let go
so I start pulling nice and slow.

until the day finally comes
the world finally calms
my soul ready to fly
I was always dead.

what a surprise..!

shades of life

a lull before the storm,
the aftermath of cries..

fear of loosing your beloved..
the pain of good byes..

the innocent hungry eyes,
starving and searching for food..

the love of our parents,
that we never understood..

the loss of a mate,
on the day their’ souls met..

the million blunders,
that one could never regret..

the touch of a dying person,
suddenly gripping your hand..

the frozen eyes of those,
unjustly punished and hanged..

ssssshhhh! ! ! !
can you hear this? ?

this sound that blesses..this sound that ruins,
be it a disaster or moment of ecstasy,

its all silence.. silence…that speak volumes! !

silence of great love,
silence of painful deceit,

silence of embittered friendship,
silence of indelible defeat..

silence between father and son,
when father fails to explain his stand..

silence between husband and wife,
when he fails to give her a hand…

silence of a happy mother,
looking at her sleeping child..

silence of a big hug,
when two sisters fought and cried..

silence of a priest,
offering to god his prayer..

silence of mourners,
sharing their sorrow and despair..

silence of an old man,
being told his only son died..

silence of those who have failed,
leading to another suicide..

oh! ! what is it.. peace or horror,
what is it.. that I'm feeling..

this ultimate language.. this divine beauty,
is it hurting me or am I healing..?

ssshhhhh! !
listen to it.. the sound of silence..
and set all your fears free..

speak to yourself.. laugh aloud..
because life’s yours if you allow it to be..

here lays my heart

here lays my heart
all broken and torn,
there are no feelings left in it
for me to mourn.

here lays my mind
which has repressed,
all the memories we have shared
that have left me a mess.

here lays my soul
which you took away,
along with my faith and trust in you
that you broke in a day.

here lays my body
all mangled and left to die,
I hope that I can get through this,
and find another guy.

the trust is now forever lost

you trampled on my feelings
and you played me for a fool,
your promises turned worthless lies
you have broken the golden rule.

you promised me you would never lie
a rule you made from the start,
my love for you was built on trust
that's gone.. you have torn it apart.

I trusted every word you said
and did so without any fears,
but sunshine turned into cloudy days
you have left me nothing but tears.

the trust is now forever lost
because of all your lies,
I hope you are proud of what you have done
without trust love surely dies.

you filled me with empty promises
now, our lives must part,
you dared to play with my feelings
why I love y still though, you broke my heart.

then she ran away

she says life is rough
everything so tough,

she couldn’t more
her heart was really sore,

her eyes were filled with tears
and nobody to be near,

not even a good friend
for her loneliness to end,

but what she wanted to do
is to start life good & new,

with no words left to say
and then she ran away.

remember when laughing out loud

remember when laughing out loud we used to get mad
and now nothing makes me sad or glad.

remember when your words filled me with rejoice
and now I long to even hear your voice.

remember when you used to say sweet dreams and goodbye
and now every night of mine ends with a cry.

remember when we shared all our joys and tears
and now I have your memories, you are not here.

remember when you used to wait for me late at night
and now you are not even in my sight.

it was a dream but sounded real

my god I heard you, once again thanks you
thanks you.. thanks you.. thanks you!

it was a dream, but sounded real
I saw you dialing fast, in vain.

contacts though failed, your zeal was real
then suddenly, when dialed again.

it rang for me, and continued
but, I was looking at you.. 

your face.. your eyes! and 

all was quietly viewed for long,

discovering rays of grace.

it rang! and rang and rang,

again thanks you! 

I thought, it was some one, not you.

I wanted, not to miss that view
then came, a hint from your sweet eyes.

in moments, disappeared all whys
I lifted! oh, that was your voice.

that view went-off, I heard the choice
you now wanted me, talk to you.

thanks you.. thanks you.. thanks you! 
your face appeared on phone with voice

I know, thou art always so nice
my senses know you, voice-and-face

your touch and scent your charming grace
but, I know-not the taste, as yet

comes in between, a flimsy net
and then I heard you, once again.

then door-bell rang poured-out the gain
my God.. I heard you once again thanks you,
thanks you.. thanks you.. thanks you!

now you see no tears.. no pain

as I churned the darkness in my soul
and strung it together in words,

all I think is, let it be revealed,
let it be heard by others who will come,

as I prepare to take my leave
the gnawing pain in my heart needed you to hear,

needed you to hear all, with kind and loving ear
when did your heart die when did you sell your soul,

that everytime I look at you 

I feel no more once I lived you
once you breathed me once you believed in me.

now you brush past me with a greeting or a smile no more
my words now hang around like symbols of pain,

in the face of blunt indifference
lurking stealthily in dark corridors of my heart,

frozen on my lashes begging to be let back in
I loved you immensely I could wait for centuries,

if only one day you will see me for what I am,
my fire fueling my wings my soul free to soar,

not good, not great but my innate drive to live and grow,
now you no longer connect now you reach out no more,

now you see no tears now you see no pain
now you see no pieces..

if pain is love then my pain is fate

I want be loved
but I love to hate,
so if pain is love
then my pain is fate.

my voice is spoken
that goes unheard
a presence in the flesh
where no one turns.

lonely in the world
is how I see most of my days,
filled with pain and stress
and still smile in your face.

still I put myself out there
day after day,
searching for lifes treasures
and get it thrown back in my face.

hoping for a glimpse
or even a taste
of this thing I can’t grasp
that I want someday.

so I stand here before you
waiting for a sign
of a love I so desperately want
I can’t seem to find.